Families who donate loved ones' organs are 'truly amazing'

“Most of the organs come from patients who have experienced a very sudden and tragic event – a very large stroke, a massive heart attack or a traumatic event.”

Matt Collis, a former intensive care nurse, specialises in speaking to the families of such patients, and carefully broaches the question of whether they want their loved one's organs to be donated to others.

The harsh reality is that less than 1% of people who die in the UK do so in a situation that would allow for organ donation.

Prolonged illness means the whole body weakens, and death outside of hospital means organs weaken rapidly.

Virtually all donors end up in intensive care.

I asked Matt what his initial reaction is when he approaches a potential donor family.

“Usually they are shocked and have never even thought about organ donation,” he says, “but most of the time, once we sit down and explain the benefits of organ donation, most people agree.”

There are strict ethical guidelines regarding donations in the UK.

Patients are treated by a dedicated medical team until death, and only then are they seen by the organ salvage team.

Consultant Vipin Mehta heads the harvest team at Wythenshawe Transplant Centre in Manchester, one of only six transplant centres in the UK.

“It's very emotionally draining at first, especially starting the collection process and knowing what the donors have gone through,” Mehta said.

“So now we always hold a moment of silence before starting any recovery operation.”

Every transplant patient is acutely aware that their chances of survival depend on the ending of someone else's life.

Wythenshawe has a team of psychologists to help recipients adapt to the situation.

“Thinking about 'survivor's guilt', for example, is a big issue and can be a huge pressure for people after transplant,” says Dr Zoe Malpass, consultant clinical psychologist.

“They feel this overwhelming urge to do something great with their lives. In reality, people are really scared that they have this precious organ and they don't want to do anything that would put it at risk.”

The center also runs a monthly “Transplant Café” group where pre- and post-transplant patients can discuss any issues they may have.

Patients are also encouraged to write anonymous letters of thanks, which the center will pass on to the donor's family.

Gary Lee underwent a heart transplant five years ago.

“I was literally dying,” he recalled. “My organs kept shutting down.”

Gary, like everyone I spoke to, says he often thinks about the people who kept him alive.

As a way of showing gratitude, he says whenever he and his wife travel abroad or anywhere, “wherever we go, we always find a church and light a candle for the donor or the donor's family.”

Deborah Horrocks underwent a heart transplant in 2020.

“I'm so grateful that it happened. It gave me a second chance,” she said.

“Both of my kids got married last year and I have a grandchild, but I wouldn't have been able to see all of this…”

Deborah was speechless for a moment, then continued, “If I wasn't here.”

Legally, anyone can donate organs, unless the patient refuses.

However, in practice, the consent of the family is required.

And many people don't know what their relatives wanted.

Matt Collis says that although it is no longer mandatory to register your intention to donate on the organ register, it could make things much easier.

“In my experience, it helps families understand that this is what their loved one would want and I'm here to help them,” he says.

Matt continues to stay in contact with the donor family for several months afterwards, sometimes longer.

Once a year, a special ceremony is held for every family to celebrate the life of a loved one.

“These patients are very special and have a huge impact on transplant patients,” Matt says.

“Families I still talk to a year or two later say organ donation really helped them because their death wasn't in vain.”

I told Matt that he clearly finds his job extremely rewarding.

He smiled and said: “The families who donate are so wonderful.

“I think it's amazing that they have the will and ability to try and help others when they're grieving and their world feels like it's ended.”